


Lie Back and Think of Mesopotamia

by Allothi



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: AU, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:12:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allothi/pseuds/Allothi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uruk has a wildman problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lie Back and Think of Mesopotamia

**Author's Note:**

> In the Epic of Gilgamesh, when the wildman Enkidu is causing trouble in the countryside, the solution is to send a harlot to tame him with sex. Long, long ago, I mentioned this to jibrailis, and she suggested wildman!Eames.
> 
> Oh, and that thing about a sky-bolt of Anu is lifted directly from [Dalley's translation](http://ukcatalogue.oup.com/product/9780199538362.do).

Uruk has a wildman problem. The wildman's name is Eames, the gods have helpfully informed Uruk's King Lugalbanda, and Eames thinks he is a beast. He eats with the gazelles, he drinks with the wild cattle at the watering-places, and he protects his bestial brethren by filling in the hunters' pits and releasing animals from their traps and pens. He is so fearsome to look at that no man dares face him in combat. He is having a severely detrimental effect on the local economy.

The wildman problem has combined with Arthur's personal, Dom-Cobb-should-learn-to-keep-his-mouth-shut problem, to have a specific and personal effect upon Arthur's life.

"We all know you have the skills," Ariadne says. As if it's just another form of specialised labour, like metalwork or breaking into someone's house. She puts her hand on Arthur's shoulder and smiles a big, warm, friendly, do-as-I-tell-you smile. "You should definitely be the one to tame the wildman."

"We've heard all about your talents," Yusuf agrees.

"Exaggeration," Arthur says.

"I trust Cobb to be honest about these things." Yusuf manages a quite expert counterfeit of the expression of a man who has never heard Cobb's stories about the goddess Siduri.

"Besides," says Ariadne, "think of the repute you'll earn!"

Arthur _is_ thinking of it. He doesn't think he wants that kind of reputation.

"You might like it," Ariadne says. "It might be quite nice."

"The gods told the king to send a _harlot_ to tame the wildman," Arthur points out. He reminds Ariadne and Yusuf of a pertinent fact: "I am not a harlot."

"Meaningless quibbling." Yusuf shakes his head. He hands Arthur several gold coins. "Here's some money. Go and have sex with the wildman so that he'll stop emancipating cattle. You are now a harlot."

"They say the wildman's strength is as hard as a sky-bolt of Anu," Ariadne says encouragingly.

Arthur looks at the coins. A strange voice in his head tells him that he could use them to buy a _very nice suit_. He's not sure what a suit is (this is ancient Mesopotamia, after all), but it sounds as if it might complete him.

In addition, his curiosity is piqued by the words _sky-bolt of Anu_.

"I hate both of you," he says, for form's sake.

Ariadne and Yusuf display matching grins.

*

The wildman is swimming when they find him. He's doing laps in the watering-place in a manly and uncivilised dolphin crawl, and several gazelles appear to be spectating. From their hidden spot in the convenient bushes, Yusuf gives Arthur a little nudge, which Ariadne follows up with a less-little shove, neither to much effect. Arthur will meet and proposition the wildman when he's damn well ready, thank you, and he's not going to be ready until--

The wildman steps out of the water.

His body is powerful and muscular and soaking wet, gleaming in the sunlight, as dazzling as a god. He is not tall but his stance is proud, and there is an edge of danger in the way he moves. His cock, Arthur can see even from the bushes, is quite sizable even unerect. The wildman looks about him, wipes his face and wrings out his long, wildman's beard over the grass.

"I could probably tame a wildman," says Ariadne.

"You're not a harlot," Arthur says. And before she can answer, he walks out of the bushes and heads straight for the wildman, stripping his clothes as he goes. (From behind him, he can just hear Yusuf consoling Ariadne: "I'll grow my hair and dress up as a wildman for you." Arthur quickly tunes out, and so does not catch Ariadne's reply.)

"You must be wildman Eames," Arthur says. He removes the last vestige of his clothing. According to everything Arthur has managed to learn about wildmen, this should cause Eames to more-or-less jump him, overcome by Arthur's smooth and civilised attractiveness.

In fact, Eames looks Arthur up and down and says, "How d'you do?" and wrings out some more of his hair.

"How d'you do," says Arthur, confused. "You're the wildman, right?"

"Yep," says Eames. He looks Arthur up and down again. He does at least look quite taken with what he sees. Arthur considers his strategies.

"Want to have sex?" he says.

There is a pause. Arthur wonders what kind of repute he will earn if he is turned down by a wildman.

"Well I wouldn't say no," Eames says. Arthur breathes a sigh of relief. "Here to tame me, are you?" Eames adds. "Come along, then. Cave's this way." And he sets off down a rugged rural path.

Droplets of water trail prettily down Eames' back and over his ass. Arthur wonders how lengthy and varied the average wildman taming process tends to be.

*

Wildman Eames' cave is handily equipped with oil ("From the harlot in Tell Harmal.") and a soft and comfortable animal pelt. He sets Arthur on his hands and knees on the pelt and fucks him fast and rough and silent -- and if this is strength as hard as a sky-bolt of the god Anu, Arthur thinks as he moans, then the goddess Antu, wife of Anu, is not doing too badly for herself.

Eames grunts once as he comes and collapses, pressing Arthur down against the pelt. Arthur, still erect and now uncomfortably trapped, jabs Eames in the side with his elbow until Eames mutters and rolls off him and then, to Arthur's surprise, says, "Oi, on your back," and takes Arthur's cock into his mouth, and holds Arthur still with his big, wildman hands until Arthur comes.

"Unf," says Arthur, some time later. "Feel civilised yet?"

"Nope," Eames says. He grins. He stretches. "Give it time, though, don't give up. I'm sure you'll tame me eventually."

Arthur wonders, quite a while later again, what the god Anu's ass is like, and the extent of what he and the goddess Antu might get up to. He expects they have fun.

*

Three days later, Arthur thinks to ask Eames about the animal pelt. And the meat they've been eating. And the general unconcern Eames shows for his wild and bestial brethren.

"You're supposed to be a friend to the beasts," Arthur says. "You live among them and free them from the hunters."

"One, no," says Eames, who is riding Arthur slowly, at this moment easing down tight about Arthur's cock. "I'm not a friend to the animals, they don't have any conversation. Two, no." He settles, still, and Arthur bites his lip and fights not to beg Eames to move. "I don't live with them, I live in a cave. You may have noticed. And three, yes." Arthur bucks his hips the little way he can and is pleased to hear a slight, guttural sound escape Eames. "I do free the wild cattle from the hunters' traps. Sort of." Arthur bucks and there's that sound again. "I take them home and kill them and eat them." Eames pulls up and slams down fast, and grins over Arthur salaciously and entirely like a man..

And maybe it's the sex talking, but to Arthur, that sounds like a decent lifestyle. Worth adopting -- whilst he patriotically perseveres with Eames' taming, of course.

*

Some while later again, Arthur asks, "Do we have any use for money?"

Eames looks considering, and fingers the gold coins Arthur holds out to him. "Those'd buy you a _very nice suit_ ," he says.

"Hm," Arthur says. "What _is_ a suit?"

"No idea." Eames tugs Arthur towards him. "But it sounds very you."

*

A few weeks later, Arthur is taking a swim at the watering place when he hears the sound of voices whispering somewhere near. He steps out onto the shore, sun warm on his skin, wrings out his hair and waits.

Dom Cobb steps out of the bushes and starts taking off his clothes. "Hello, wildma-- um." He falters. His (period-accurate) skirt, which he has flung dramatically from his body, lands on the grass with a very soft thump.

"No thank you," says Arthur. "Go home."

In the bushes, he thinks he can hear Ariadne and Yusuf arguing over whose turn it will be to play the wildman tonight.


End file.
